getting in rapport

Getting in rapport makes it a lot easier to create a relationship of trust and emotional connection
3 components of being in rapport:
Physically mirroring
Communicating in the same style
Verbally matching their interests


How to physically mirror
Adopt the same posture as the other person starting w/ the head, the body and legs. If you really want a connection, change your breathing to the same depth and frequency as theirs 59
Sometimes it is not appropriate to directly mirror someone, so a more subtle approach is to match them. 60 An example would be if someone crosses their arms, you cross their legs. If they are tapping a pen, you tap your foot at the same rate 60-61


The lookers, the listeners and the feelers

The lookers= visual people 62
Process information as pictures
Everybody does this to a certain extent, but these people do it more and do it more intensely. You can spot a visual by their eye movements, their speech and their clothes. Lookers have a continual stream of pictures running inside their mind and you can observe them repeatedly lookup up as they talk to view or access these pictures.
As we all know, light travels very fast and this is often the speed at which lookers speak. They talk fast and often in high tones, get bored easily and often change the subject. They will dress in bright and colorful colors and are usually very particular about their appearance. Words used by lookers are descriptive and relate to the pictures they are making in their head. Examples of these are:
I see what you mean
That seems clear
Can you show me?
When communicating with a looker it is important to approximate their speed, tone and manner of speech.


The listeners
The listeners are attuned to sound. For them, more so than others, it is not just what you say but how you say it. Listeners speak slower than lookers and if you listen you’ll hear more rhythm or variation in their tone.
You’ll notice that listeners breathe more in the mid chest and this can make them appear more solid in the torso than the visuals, who breathe fast in the upper chest 63. When you match someone with a strong auditory preference you’ll see their eyes move from side to side as they process information. Listeners like to use language and often have an extensive vocabulary. You’ll hear them use phrases such as:
That sounds right
Rings a bell
I’m in tune with what you are saying
Tell me about it

To bond with listeners get in tune and reply with rhythm


The feelers
These people are called feelers because they are in touch with their feelings. This is not to say that listeners and feelers aren’t; but feelers have to take information and run it through their body as well as their mind. This process will take a little time so feelers, or kinaesthetics, will speak more slowly than the other two communicating styles. Feelers breathe slow and deep and you can observe their eyes look down as they “go inside” to think and feel.
Feelers want to:
Get a handle on things
Wrap my mind around it
Get in touch with what’s important
Walk through the process

Pg 64
If you want to bond with a feeler and this is not your natural style, slow done. The trick is to move breathing to your belly; when you do this you’ll find it’s a lot easier to pace. Often feelers use more gestures than the other styles, so you can copy these too.

Its useful to watch someone’s eyes when you are speaking to them. The eyes are hardwired to the brain and they move depending on whether the person is making pictures in their head, focusing on sounds or getting in touch with how they feel.

I'm mostly a feeler and equally a listener and the lookers according to a quiz by the book